Most women experience noticeable sexual changes after giving birth. This is completely normal. Hormone levels change and women experience new emotions, demands and responsibilities as a result of being a mother. This can affect how much women want to have sex, how often they do it, and particularly how much they enjoy it.
Changes in libido
Women experience lower libido than before pregnancy, and before childbirth, many women experience less sexual desire and some also experience pain during intercourse and report being less satisfied with sex.
Even after hormone levels have returned to normal, most women experience significantly less sex drive than before.
Libido in many men can also increase: they are attracted to physical changes in the partner’s body and are happy with the birth of the baby. The result is to be, with the partner, at both ends of the new dimension.
It is the time when people feel bored, depressed, exhausted and full of resentment. The focus in all of this is the need of every human being to receive attention, to be “seen” and this applies to both partners. However, this “attention” is required on two different levels: while a woman wants to be understood in her new dimension as a mother, for most men, attention is connected to sex and passion. It is no coincidence that men are more jealous of sexual infidelity than of emotional infidelity. For women it is the opposite. Infidelity can be both emotional and physical. A recent study shows that men and women react differently to different types of infidelity. While men are more jealous of sexual infidelity, it is the so-called emotional infidelity that makes women more jealous.
The human being is never sated with recognition, and here the man or the new father, unconsciously, begins the search for the same in habitual situations. The colleague at work, the mischievous neighbor or the old flame met by chance, become potential distributors of attention….
To get those emotional spikes (now few and far between), men can evolve a simple flirtation into an extramarital affair.
The woman can often recognize the betrayal by observing the changes of the partner. Moods, new habits, new erotic positions or even new terminologies, can be alarm signals. What can a woman do in these situations?
You first of all you use dialogue. She talks to your partner about the physical changes and how it feels to have sex. It can be uncomfortable and difficult at first but remember your partner would probably want to talk about it as much as you do!
If you are ready and if you can, have sex! She experiments with a range of different sexual positions. A woman may prefer to be on top, so that she can control the intensity of the penetration. Whatever you choose, make sure she is comfortable and she remembers that you can stop when you want. If there is no physical intimacy, the same roof is shared but nothing more. Feeling distant leads to feelings of disappointment and abandonment. Kiss, touch lovingly, and work your way up to sex.
Some couples choose to split up and go on their own while others resort to group therapy.
But there are also couples who resolve by opening their sexual relationship by including other couples or singles of both sexes in their erotic games. A large majority of these couples claim to have gained quality of life in their relationship and are convinced that they would not have succeeded otherwise. They also claim that the concept of “betrayal” is solely related to the fact that the partner is not aware of it.
Time passes and we can find ourselves years later in a life as a couple with certainly indisputable values: close-knit ways of doing practical things, hobbies and common interests, the wonderful adventure of children who grow up and choose their paths gradually, walks among the beech trees, or a herbal tea in autumn watching a fiery sunset. But remember, whatever the way, to feed the flame of sex and passion because they are the pillars of the relationship, of true libido and of a couple’s love.